New Jersey Doesn't Want You To Know The Real Story Behind U2

I noticed the following disclaimer for U2's new book in this week's Best Buy ad:

*U2 by U2

This is the story of U2-written and publicized by the band. Not available online or in New Jersey stores.

What can't you handle New Jersey? Is it because you're afraid that given instructions on how to dismantle an atomic bomb, terrorists may figure out how to remantle said bomb?

I believe this conspiracy goes to the highest levels, and I also believe that when it plays out in my head, it devolves into a gay sex orgy featuring Governor John Corzine, Senate President Richard "Dick" Codey, and former Governor Jim McGreevey.

However "Dick" Codey is played not by himself, rather by an idealized creation more fitting a rugged name like "Dick" Codey.

Real Dick

Better Dick

BONUS LINK: How to dismantle an atomic bomb, for reals.

For The Record

We will be buying this tomorrow.

Retarded Apples To Retarder Oranges

Dear "Commentators":

Ashlee Simpson is NOT like Milli Vanilli. Milli Vanilli did not sing their own songs. They lip synced, yes, but to other people's voices. That's why their screw-up was a big deal (reletively speaking).

Acting surprised that a teen-pop singer might need some vocal help is just retarded. And the ensuing investigation on her acid reflux and how her story's changed is a ludicrous waste of air time, especially when we have a presidential administration that can't make up their minds on what happened to 300 tons of explosives.

So, to review:

Ashlee Simpson ≠ Milli Vanilli
Lip Syncing = Not a Big Deal
300 Tons of Explosives = ???

You used to be fun. You used to be warped and twisted and hilarious... and I mean that in the best way - I mean it as a compliment!