I Miss You, My Beautiful Site

We shall return, you and I. Oh we shall.

Playing The Room

James Poniewozik, Time's TV crtitic, on Colbert's performance:

Colbert wasn't playing to the room, I suspect, but to the wide audience of people who would later watch on the Internet. If anything, he was playing against the room—part of the frisson of his performance was the discomfort he generated in the audience, akin to the cringe humor of Da Ali G Show. (Cringe humor, too, is something probably lost on much of the Washington crowd at the dinner, as their pop-culture tastes tend to be on the square side.) To the audience that would watch Colbert on Comedy Central, the pained, uncomfortable, perhaps-a-little-scared-to-laugh reaction shots were not signs of failure. They were the money shots. They were the whole point.

In other words, what anyone fails to get who said Colbert bombed because he didn't win over the room is: the room no longer matters. Not the way it used to. The room, which once would have received and filtered the ritual performance for the rest of us, is now just another subject to be dissected online. Colbert—as he might say on The Colbert Report—"gets it." So does his patron, Jon Stewart, who similarly was said to have bombed at the Oscars because he turned off the stars in the theater with a snide performance that was much funnier to the (much bigger and more relevant) audience at home.

Exactly.

Via Scott Rosenberg.

Almost Bigot

Watching episode three of THE OC, The Gamble, I thought the bald, tattooed Hispanic character starting shit with Ryan looked like the bald, tattooed Hispanic character from Veronica Mars.

I immediately admonished myself for bigotry, until I checked out the IMDb and saw it was the same person.

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The Difference

Apple and Microsoft are both full of talented engineers who create useful new features.

The difference?

At Apple, an art major slaps the engineer and says, "No".

Google, Search Thyself

Regarding the Bush administration's attempts to access Google's search logs, I'm proud of Google for refusing to turn over the information, but there's a greater issue, and Slate's Tim Wu nails it:

Recent events suggest that relying on the present administration to protect such basic freedoms may be, shall we say, unpromising. Other governments are just as bad if not worse. That's why the public's demand must be of Google—not the state. It should be that Google please stop keeping quite so much information attached to our IP addresses; please modify logging practices so that all identifying information is stripped. And please run history's greatest "search and delete," right now, and take out the IP addresses from every file that contains everyone's last five years of searches.

As much as I respect Google's good intentions, I don't trust anyone else. Unless there's a specific court order for information, don't collect it. There's got to be a way to fine-focus the search (for services as outlined by Robert Cringely) without compromising the end-user's privacy.

Because seriously, I don't want anyone knowing two things: (1) How often I misspell words and Google tells me "Did you mean...?" and (2) About my insatiable appetite for images of shaved kitties.

Scrubbed

This may be from 2003, but it's never too late to bitch about the Parents Television Council bitching about something. In this instance, it's an episode of Scrubs:

JD’s friend Elliott is being courted to join the gynecological team at the hospital. JD sees the attractive team of gynecologists walking down the hall and daydreams about the four of them having a pillow fight while wearing sexy negligees. They stop fighting and are about to kiss when his daydream is interrupted. His fantasy concludes with one girl saying, “I’m glad we all finally experimented on each other, but I’ll never do it again,” implying that they just had lesbian group sex.

Later, she complains to Carla about the pressure being put on her to specialize in Obstetrics and gynecology. “Those gyno girls are putting a lot of pressure on me. We must have looked at a hundred women’s bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo. I can’t even look at my own bajingo.” Carla retorts, “Is that because it looks so much like a vagina?”

This inappropriate material was incidental to the main plot of the episode, which dealt with Dr. Cox being forced to choose between his sexy, if somewhat promiscuous girlfriend Julie (played by guest star Heather Locklear), and his pregnant and somewhat promiscuous ex-wife, Jordan.

...

This kind of “comedy” is more repulsive and sad than anything. The thought that a man is choosing between a relationship with a woman who slept with all his colleagues and an ex-wife he believes to be carrying another man’s child, is depressing. The sleaziness of the girlfriend offering a threesome with the pregnant ex isn’t funny, it is embarrassing.

Oh yeah? Well what I find sleazy is the ignoring of that fact that he chooses his pregnant ex-wife in the end. Isn't that a good thing? He's willing to forgive the prodigal wife, pregnant with what turns out to his kid?

The best thing about this article is it's full of great quotes. I couldn't have found the proper spelling of "bajingo" without it. Be assured, "bajingo" is now safety tucked away in my computer's spell-checker for future need.

The PTC's slogan plastered across the top of their page is "because our children are watching". WELL WHY AREN'T YOU WATCHING THEM. Stop complaining about shows you don't like, and go make your own if you're so dissatisfied with everything's that on TV. Oh, that's right, nobody watches PAX-TV.

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Fresh Network

UPN & The WB collapsing into one:

CBS Corporation and Warner Bros. Entertainment today announced their intent to form a new 5th network, The CW, to be launched in the fall of 2006. The new broadcasting network will be a joint venture between Warner Bros. Entertainment and CBS Corporation, with each company owning 50%. In an important strategic move that secures major market distribution for The CW, it was announced that Tribune Broadcasting and the CBS Corporation's UPN affiliates have agreed separately to sign 10-year affiliation agreements with the new network.

Not quite sure what happens in markets with both a WB and UPN affliate, like Philadelphia, but this is a smart move. Between the two of them, there's almost a full week of programming.

Via Atrios, who said (and I concur fully): "Bastards had better not cancel Veronica Mars."

UPDATE: WPHL 17 (WB) going independent; WPSG 57 (UPN) new home of the CW.

Worst Day Ever?

Apparently, it's officially the worst day of the year:

First, there is Jan. 24's distance from Christmas: way too far to look forward to, but way too recent to have recovered from financially. The misery of debt figures heavily in his equation.

So does weather. While the meteorologists are predicting a bright, warmish day today, you don't hear them saying, "Dig out the bikini - it'll be sunny with a high of 86!" No, January weather - even the amazingly good weather we had a few days ago - is still amazingly bad weather compared with pretty much all of spring, summer and fall.

I'll agree. I slept weird last night, and woke up later than I should've, but earlier than I needed to, leaving me with a weird, slightly out-of-phase with the world feeling for the rest of the day.

Back To Where It Lasted

Possible hypothetical list of games available through the Nintendo Revolution's download service:

Continue reading "Back To Where It Lasted" »

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Self Scouting For Boys

From last year's BBC's 100 things we didn't know this time last year:

98. Lord Baden Powell wanted a section on the dangers of "self abuse" in his Scouting for Boys. His original manuscript read: "A very large number of the lunatics in our asylums have made themselves ill by indulging in this vice although at one time they were sensible cheery boys like you."

Via kottke.

So Help Me God

If the ABC announcers don't shut up about A.J.'s girlfriend being Brady's sister, I'm going to kill three people.

Possibly even YOU.

Do people not *get* the Internet?

Executive Wants to Charge for Web Speed Some Say Small Firms Could Be Shut Out of Market Championed by BellSouth Officer

By Jonathan Krim

Washington Post Staff Writer

Thursday, December 1, 2005; Page D05

A senior telecommunications executive said yesterday that Internet service providers should be allowed to strike deals to give certain Web sites or services priority in reaching computer users, a controversial system that would significantly change how the Internet operates.

William L. Smith, chief technology officer for Atlanta-based BellSouth Corp., told reporters and analysts that an Internet service provider such as his firm should be able, for example, to charge Yahoo Inc. for the opportunity to have its search site load faster than that of Google Inc.

---

Legislating otherwise "would be the same thing as saying to Google, 'I think we ought to have regulation on Google that says when I enter a search term, the top search result is always a random event,' " Smith said, claiming that Google allows clients to pay to influence the ranking of search results. In fact, Google does not allow payments to influence general search results, although advertisers pay for top billing on the lists that run on the right side of Google's pages.

story

Fuck that. If ISPs want to keep their common carrier status then they stay neutral. The second they fuck with traffic, cut 'em off.

And how can you be CTO of a major telecom and not know how Google works? Are you an idiot or just plain retarded?

The Internet works because it is the most democratic medium ever. From the tech to the content, anyone can do anything. One of the rightest things the US government has ever done has been to support and, more importantly, play hands-off with the Internet.

When people start messing with that, the system's fucked.

Dear William/Spike/Milton/Braniac

You said things about Lex Luthor, to which he responded negatively claiming it was awful close to libel.

Your response:

"It's not libel if it's true."

You'll be happy to know that it's not libel either way. It must be printed to be libel. Lex should've accused you of slander.

I must admit disappointment with the both of you (evil supervillain inevitabilities aside). You two represent the greatest minds in the comic universe (Batman aside) and should know the difference between slander and libel.

Sincerely,
Binsk L. Doodle

What Would Jesus Post?

A New Jersey Catholic school told students to remove any online accounts they have at such places as MySpace and Xanga.

The primary impetus behind the ban is to protect students, [the Rev. Kieran] McHugh said. The Web sites, popular forums for students to blog about their lives and feelings about their teachers and schools, are fertile ground for sexual predators to gather information about children, he said.

You would know how to go about gathering information on children, wouldn't you? Is this for the kids, or because your frock gets a little tight after reading young Johnny's LJ post about how hard you rapped him across the knuckles earlier that day?

My Finger's On The Trigger

And you're in my way.

Veronica Mars Product Updates

Veronica just used Exposé on her laptop.

UPDATE: Also prominent iPod shuffle placement.

PLUS: "Girls are crazy about unicorns."

The Things I Do For Love

OK, so it might not be love. It's too early to tell. But I did spend a few hours traveling to local music stores looking for the VERONICA MARS soundtrack.

I didn't even need it. I have half of the songs already. Some I now have thrice.

But I don't care. I will do everything in my power to ensure the survival of this show. I've only been a fan for less than a week, but that just strengthens the feeling that's too soon to call love but probably is anyway.

I've never gotten this wrapped up in a TV series so quickly before. Maybe BUFFY.

Watch. UPN. Wednesdays. Nine.

Serenity

Official synopsis for those not in the know:

Joss Whedon, the Oscar and Emmy nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, ANGEL, and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, SERENITY. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family - squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

I saw it last night. It was good. Wonderful to look at, tightly packed plot, and dialogue that lit the house.

I'm extremely curious to see how an audience unfamiliar with the source material reacts. My screening was split between fans and randoms, and it seemed to go over well.

Thanks to TPM for providing the tickets.

And, small world, it looks like Atrios, was there also.

New Crush

Chyler Leigh. Carla on REUNION.

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Pinchy

Saw a blurb on CNN this morning about the 22-lb. lobster. Each time they mentioned his age, they said he was 100-years-old.

Which means they did absolutely no research, because the only people estimating he's 100 are those that stand to profit from him being 100. Biologists estimated 30-50-years-old.

This isn't a huge deal, but it's indicative of the larger issue of many a media taking things at face value with no follow up. Simply stating his age as 100 because someone said so, that someone having a direct interest is his age being greater whilst having no clue about biology is sort of like Coca-Cola estimating that Diet Coke tastes "awesome".

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Happy Holidays!

Yeah, that's right, I said Happy Holidays.

Courtesy of Tom Tomorrow.

Oh, No, Rainbow Brite's Gone Missing!

And Murky's trying to steal all the color!

Somebody get the color guard!

They're the only ones who can save us!

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Happy Glutton Day, Fatties

"It is a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham."

Mr. Wigglesworp

As a writer, there's two things I always keep at my desk:

• Nail clippers
• Gameboy

Also, the best sound in the world may be the weird wig-out the Gameboy does when you get a tetris in Tetris.

Don't Disenfranchise My Vote

I actually sort of wanted my vote to be challenged at the poll yesterday, so I could cause a scene, which would pretty much go like this:

"Oh, yeah, well, if you're going to challenge my constitutional right to vote, then I'm going to challenge your right to stand there and not get kicked in the balls."

"Excuse me, what?"

*kicks guy in the balls*

*gets arrested*

Bloody Brilliant

Look, I just pretended I was British in the title. But I'm not.

Anyway…

Hands down, the best "ad" of the election series. Lie Girls. And the hottest.

Homosexual Agenda

From today's SALON — "Homosexuals are hellbound!"

On Nov. 2, Ohio will vote on Issue 1, a state constitutional amendment that purports to simply ban same-sex marriage but actually goes much further. Ten other states -- Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon and Utah -- are also voting on anti-gay marriage amendments. They're all expected to pass, most by wide margins. Eight of the state amendments prohibit domestic partnerships or any other public benefits or recognition for gay couples.

"He publishes poems like "America's Final Crisis," which prophesies that, unless the country adopts biblical law, "You'll be governed by queers and whores" and tyrannized with a "U.N. branded sword." In case that's not clear enough, he also offers a tract titled, "Convincing Reasons HOMOSEXUALS are HELLBOUND!"

Interlopers from out of state have come to Ohio, "going door to door, knocking on doors so we can continue to murder babies and further strip the church of its First Amendment rights through hate crimes legislation." Gay marriage, he says, heralds "the annihilation of a civilization."

And here's our hero of the day:

Despite all the national backing, the driving force behind Issue 1 is an Ohioan named Phil Burress, founder of a group called Citizens for Community Values. A thrice-married Cincinnati man who describes himself as a former pornography addict redeemed by Jesus, Burress has spent much of the last decade fighting gay rights.

Pornography addict? How exactly does one become addicted to porn? Porn is useful for about five minutes, then you're done with it. It goes away, and you get on with your life.

Would his friends all want to go out drinking and he'd decline to stay in and watch A CLOCKWORK ORGY?

I feel sorry for his wives. They start to get horny, start grinding up on his shit, and he'd kick them out because "Wow, they're having sex on a copier! I totally thought he was just a copy repair man and then he took his pants off and offered to do some manual collation. Plus, I hear there's a part where they have sex on a firetruck! Wheeeeee!"

Note To Everyone: If you care enough about people engaging in activities that don't affect your live in anyway whatsoever that you're willing to exert energy on banning said activity, then fuck you.

There's no homosexual agenda, kids.

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Note To Drunks

Wearing pants with a button down fly to the bar, while fashionable, makes the act of urination increasingly difficult as the night (and alcohol intake) progresses.

Oh, Yoplait.

"Together, we can lick breast cancer."

It Crawls Back Up

I swear, if one more person talks to me at the urinal, I'm going to swing around and piss on them.

Conversations In My Head

And I was like "Hey…"

And he was like "Ho…"

And I was like "Hey…"

And he was like "Ho…"

And I was like, "We just wrote a song."

Lack Of Coordination

When I'm thirsty and also have to piss, I sometimes want to yell at my body for not being very efficient and economical with its resources.

Don't Stand So Close To Me

The urinals at work are several inches to close for comfortable urination. There's two of them, and if one is being used, I'm faced with the choice of an uncomfotably close urinating situation, or vagging out and using a stall.

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So Much To Essay

I spent a good part of today reading Paul Graham's essay on the essay, which you'd do well to check out if you've ever had to write a five-paragraph essay explaining why Miss Havisham hated Pip because you once imagined pushing your gammy down the stairs after she yelled at you for drinking all the juice.

Or if you've ever argued with your troll of a freshman english teacher that if you had an extra point to make, why can't I add another paragraph or maybe I'll write an essay about how YOU'RE Miss Havisham, you great bitch.

True To Form

I spent more in the jukebox last night than on alcohol at the bar last night.

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You used to be fun. You used to be warped and twisted and hilarious... and I mean that in the best way - I mean it as a compliment!