Rethink Yourself

Hey DirectTV: You're a satellite TV provider. You need to stop with this "Rethink TV" nonsense. Of everyone involved in the television process, you are the least innovative. You do not create the content, you do not package the content, you do not make the viewing of the content possible, you do not enjoy the content. You are a glorified lead pipe, without even the usefulness of being an actual lead pipe, which at the very least is good for thwacking people and eventually bestowing cancer upon them.

If I see your sappy Carousel of Progress nonsense one more time, I will rig up a laser pointer, my rubber band, three paper clips, and a Batman action figure to shoot down all of your satellites and then we'll see who rethinks TV.